By Amy Wood, Contributing Writer
Earlier this month I shared about how we prepared our four young children (ages 2-6) for the arrival of their baby brother, but what about once the baby is actually here? I’m glad you asked! Here’s how we welcomed home our fifth baby, introduced him to our children, kept him safe among many other little ones, involved our children with his care, and guided our older children through this transitional time.
Introducing New Siblings
How you introduce your older children to the new baby will depend on where you give birth– in some settings your older children may even be present for the birth itself (I love that sweet thought!). All of my babies have been born in the hospital (or we ended up at the hospital after an unexpected van birth on the way) and sometimes we have had the older siblings come to the hospital to meet the baby, other times we have waited to introduce them until we bring the baby home. This has been dependent on the time of day the baby was born and the length of our hospital stay.
With our fifth baby we planned to leave the hospital after 24 hours so our older children first met their newest little brother when we came home the day after he was born.
Our children were excitedly waiting when we arrived home with Levi and could barely wait their turn to give Levi the gift they each had for him. It was so sweet to watch the boys all give something special to Levi and take their turn to hold him (if they wanted to) and see him for the first time.
My oldest was especially excited and asked if we could put on the boy outfit, which he has been in charge of, right away. He had also showered right before we got home because, according to him, he wanted to be fresh and clean and look sharp for the baby. It was adorable! When my 2 year old saw the baby he said “that baby nice” and was very interested in him and continued to ask about him often. It seemed like all of my older sons had an instant love for their new brother.
Once everyone seemed ready to move on from meeting the baby, they did. After that we carried on with our evening, continued discussions about babies and what they need and how we would care for him, and let them hold or see Levi again whenever they wanted to.
Ensuring Baby’s Safety
Every parent gives thought to their baby’s safety within their home, but when there are other children around there are more aspects to consider. I could leave my oldest son lying on the floor in the living room while I went to the bathroom, but that wouldn’t have been a great idea with any subsequent children.
Older siblings, though loving and with good intentions of caring for their little brother or sister, may not realize what things may actually be harmful to a baby– or unintentional injuries may occur from accidents (such as tripping and falling onto the baby or throwing a toy across the room which ends up hitting the baby). While even babies are very resilient it is still important to protect a fragile infant, especially in the early weeks. Here are some things we did in our home:
*Put baby gates to good use- clearly your newborn isn’t mobile but you can use a baby gate to keep your older children out of the room the baby is in, when needed.
*Use a wrap or other baby carrier to keep the baby close and safe.
*Consider purchasing a simple bouncy seat for a safe place to put the baby when you can’t hold him. A blanket spread on the floor would also work, but sometimes children are not paying attention and I think a bouncy seat signals to them “hey don’t step here!” in a more noticeable way.
*Take either the baby or the older child with you if you need to go to the bathroom or go to a different area of the house and you are not comfortable leaving them alone together unsupervised.
*Put a doorknob lock on the outside of the bedroom door where the baby sleeps. Levi sleeps on our bed, which is low to the ground, and I was concerned about my older kids going in there while he was asleep- to check on him, see him, etc- and I didn’t want that to happen while I was unaware so this simple solution came to me one day. Only my oldest is capable of opening the door with the lock on it and he is mature enough to not do so when it is not an appropriate time.
*Teach older children the proper way to care for a baby, but remember not to put too much responsibility on a young child and always supervise them when they are around a newborn. Be cautious about leaving older siblings alone with a newborn until you are confident in their ability to act appropriately around the baby. You know what your own particular children are capable of and this may by different than other children of the same age.
*As your baby gets older try to find an area of your home that can be a dedicated space that is clear of any inappropriate objects and safe for the baby to play in and help your older kids learn how to honor the needs that the baby has, such as a safe place to play and explore.
Involving Older Children in Caring for the Baby
When you bring home your second child, or any other subsequent children, it’s likely your older children will be more than willing to help you with their new baby brother or sister! Again, you should be mindful of putting too much responsibility on a young child, but there are many things an older child can do to help care for their littlest sibling and if your children are anything like mine they will be so excited to be given these opportunities.
I believe that children feel proud and important when they are helpful and that being involved in their siblings care can strengthen their bond together. Here are some ideas for involving your older children in caring for the baby:
*Ask them to retrieve needed items- diapers, wipes, burp cloth, toy, water bottle (for you!), etc.
*Give them the opportunity to “read” to the baby while you get dressed, make breakfast, etc.
*Ask them to sit next to the baby while you are assisting another child with his needs
*Let them choose what outfit the baby will wear
*Ask them to take the baby’s dirty clothes to the laundry
*Include them in the baby’s bath time- they can watch, hand you a washcloth or soap, etc.
My older kids were disappointed that Levi could not play with them right away, but involving them in these other ways gave them plenty of opportunities to interact with him, and now that he is older and can play they enjoy spending time with him and watching him move through different stages of development- they even volunteer to take care of his needs (and understand his cues!). I hope they are well on their way to a lifetime of friendship and brotherly love!
Guiding Children Through the Transition of a New Baby
I believe the keys to guiding our children through this transitional time are honesty, respectful communication, and understanding.
A newborn has more needs than an older child, or at least more urgent needs- they need to be fed when they show signs of hunger, they need their diaper changed often, they need much physical contact with their caregivers- but we have to be mindful to not forget the needs that our older children have as well.
In our family we don’t want to send the message that certain people in our family are prioritized over others (whether that be the baby, the older children, or even the parents), but instead we recognize that each person in our family has needs and we explain that we have to work together to meet everyone’s needs. Some needs are more urgent than others and so must be addressed first, such as when a baby is hungry.
I have found that my kids are very understanding of this and in fact they want the baby’s needs to be taken care of right away- they realize that when a baby needs something he needs to be tended to as soon as possible. We’ve discussed with them how this builds trust and security and how this will lead to patience on the baby’s part as he gets older- because he feels secure in knowing that he can trust us to always meet his needs.
My kids love their baby brother and because we have had many open and honest discussions about his needs and what kind of changes we may go through now, they understand and accept these things- but while there are many wonderful things about welcoming a new baby into the family there are some challenging aspects as well. Honest and respectful communication can usually serve as a buffer for these challenging aspects and I want my kids to feel comfortable in expressing any frustrations or other feelings they are experiencing. It might be something little- they are upset that I couldn’t play a game with them because the baby was needing my attention at the time, but it’s important to empathize with them and help them work through their feelings and come out on the other side, without shaming them for feeling this way.
We also purpose to do little things to let our older children know that we are thinking of them in the midst of caring for a newborn, which sometimes takes a lot of time. Before Levi was born I bought each of the boys a new coloring book so they would have something to work on, that they could do on their own, while I was taking care of the baby. We also made a list of movies we would like to see that I reserved from the library, and we watched those in the early weeks after Levi was born. We did the same with books and audiobooks. You can do the same type of thing based on your childrens interests.
Also, be sure to take advantage of any help that is offered to you by your family and friends– you can take the time to do something special with your older children (even something as simple as reading with them or being present while they play) while someone else holds the baby, or a family member can spend time with your older children when your baby has needs that only you can meet.
Whenever we bring a new baby home it quickly begins to feel like he has just always been part of our family. There is a transitional period as we all get used to our new normal, and every day doesn’t go smoothly, but doing these thing has helped us to ease the transition and make sure all members of the family feel valued and respected. Even though our family is larger than its ever been before, bringing Levi into our family has been the smoothest transition yet.
Do you have any special memories of introducing a new baby to your older children? What helped your children transition into life with a new baby?
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The post 4 Tips for Bringing Home {Another} New Baby appeared first on Modern Alternative Pregnancy.